Kitties in Diapers Aidan's blog

The Karma Bitch Slap

Every Saturday Pawnshop hosts an event called Transmission Saturdays where they have some DJ's that spin mostly Indie Rock and New Wave tunes, which is completely up my alley. It's moderately busy and attracts a good crowd that spends the majority of the time jumping around on a dance floor that shakes. Makes ya feel like you're on a boat. It's great.

Nicole and I hit it up. We arrive and start busting some moves having a splendid time. However, it was slightly awkward due to the fact that there is a massive projected screen that is slide-showing pictures that have been previously shot at past events. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except that I made the damn screen like twenty times. There was three different pictures that were rotating through. Except the rotation was terribly random. I felt like a typical live poker player saying that online poker is rigged. Except I'm the one saying that this damn random generated slide show is rigged to boost my ego.The night gets interesting when a rather attractive young lady points at me and says, “I know you.” This is where my self-admiration becomes a god damn rocket launcher.

I point back Travolta style, mid dance with a solid Thumper tap and head bop going on and respond with “Bullshit”

Lady, actually let's call her freckles because I forget her name replies, “Yeah, I do! I remember you. You have shopped at blank blank clothing store."

* * * *

I “accidentally” (sick play dawg!) bump into her on the dance floor, she turns and does a little foxtrot my way. End up getting into a conversation, exchange names, typical time wasting stuff. Then I turned  her around to put my back to the projection screen and commented, “I can't stand facing that screen...I keep seeing myself up there.”

I'm not exactly sure what she responded with but this is what I heard, “that's....something fine blah, because you are fucking gorgeous.”

Obviously, I assumed I miss heard this. I mean..... I get that all the time. No big deal. I says, “pardon?"

She comes closer, and this is the exact moment I realized she has freckles. Dark hair and freckles, oh baby. She replies, “I just think you're are really, really good looking.”

I'm slightly dumbfounded and responded with something lame. Kinda forget, I was in a daze of bliss. If I was texting I probably would have used the ridiculous teenage girl message “OMFG :0 ” and probably clap at the same time while hopping.

We chat some more blah blah blah. Part 1 of story over.

Part 2. Drunk girls love extras. Especially, when rocking out. Whether it be hats, manslets, scarfs, necklaces etc. I was wearing a hat and this slightly obnoxious friend of a friend kept trying to remove it from its home. I kept dodging those fingers coming at my face and next thing you know I get jammed in the eye. I felt it squish. I felt it scrap. I felt it pop. I felt pain. Eww.

The positive side of this catastrophe is no one tried to steal my hat anymore. The downside is now I have to deal with people apologizing. I never want to hear someone apologize more than once. Drop the sorreh and let it be. Fuck the, “ooooh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to stab you in the eye because I really wanted to wear your hat. I don't know how it happened, ya know, while I was swinging my hands and fingers at your face. I'm so sorry." God. Stop. Talking.

Even though my eye was throbbing, the pain was non existent due to being fucking gorgeous. I felt like Jesus, ya know, how he was carrying that cross while being hwhipped. Whip. Hwhip. Whip. I'm saying hwhip. He couldn't feel shit, his ego was so massive at that moment. People cheering him on, feeding him, giving him wine. Respect the ego, yo.

I decided to bounce on that poke...note and on the walk to my car I spotted a girl who I've been lightly crushing on that works at blah blah. She has always been overly flirty, potentially to sell me more shit or because she thinks I'm fucking gorgeous. Naturally I assume the latter.

She was with a friend who also works at blah blah. They recognized me and we start getting into some good conversation that mostly consists of being poked in the eye by drunk bitches. I assumed this girl was on the younger side, turns out she is in the second bar of the “Age of Interest” graph a few posts lower. Also, I've never seen her not behind a counter and had an epiphany.

She is a perfect spinner, completely balanced. One of those spinners where you can give a slight flick and will spin upright for an hour. Those girls live in a frictionless centripetal world, where gravity doesn't apply.  <--- I just blew your mind with some science. Admit it.

So obviously after this epiphany and my psyche at an all time high I went for the number while exiting the conversation.She responded, “ummm, you know where to find me”

Which translates:  you know where to find me to buy more shit that is unnecessary.

And that my friends is The Karma Bitch Slap.

Credit to Zoe for coining the phrase “The Karma Bitch Slap”

PS: Kudos to Nicole for waking up in the box of Miriam's truck at 6:00am.