The other site that needs some lovin is Online Poker Sites – I invested a large chunk into this kickass domain and website. It's a long term investment that should pay off handsomely.

Oh, Google webcrawl team, if you have made it here. Hook a brother up, these sites are not spammy and we make a serious effort to provide quality original content that has purpose.

In the meantime, here is a picture of Beebs and I:

But Batshyt, what the hell would you do for work? Good question, Batshyt. I don't know. This prompted me to scan school programs in Alberta. If AriGoldjr and CrapsDegen are going back to school, I should sign up for that shit too. Fitting in is the cool thing to do right? One can only take so many fag insults for wearing a scarf.

Unfortunately, I can't stand the idea that Canada is one of the most prosperous countries in the world and we as citizens have to pay enormous sums of money for education. Thanks to our conservative government and decades of American capitalism propaganda rubbing off on us Canadians.

No interest was sparked after browsing through hundreds of courses available. Except for the marketing programs. Which reminded me that I'm two classes away from graduating from a two year business admin course. Looked up what I had left: a finance course and a marketing elective. Boom registered!

After trying to figure out what hip kids bring to school these days, I attended my first two evening classes. I was worried that I wouldn't have any motivation to attend. Which translates directly to:  are there any girls in the class I find attractive.

Here are some questions that I'm faced with.

• Will I ever wear the same thing twice?

Highly unlikely. Although, memory has been foggier than ever. Especially, with DrPow1 living in Edmonton.

• Will I do my home work?

Absolutely, hot chicks are typically dumb. However, they are smart enough to realize that we are all superficial in one way or another and most men are superficial when it comes to beauty. So minimal effort is needed on their part to get by. So when they ask a question, you damn well better have an answer or a witty response to lower their self-esteem. Science. With all that said, I bet the line is +300 that I do my home work.

• What will my attendance be?

Perfect. Duh. Something to actually achieve. Fuck the goal of graduating, we got ladies to woooooooooo. woooooooooo . wooooooooooo. Ugh, wooo girls are the worst. However, nearly all girls are wooo girls. It just depends on how many drinks it takes them to become woo girls. I'll explain this in more detail in a future post. No big deal.

• How will this change group projects?

Ugh. No matter what, group projects lose. However, group projects with hot babes will be like Christmas. Getting gifts but having to deal with Christianity. Bittersweet shit. I just hope Mrs  Claus is a spinner.

• Will this change what I bring for snacks?

Fuck yes, Bitches love snacks. I'm going to be the god damn Iron Chef of snack food in my class. Nori veggie rolls with chop sticks, hummus dip, bruschetta, chocolate fondue machine, etc. Ill even leave on the stickers on my fruits and angle it strategically so she can see it's organic. I think I'm going to label myself as the Pretentious Snack Food Guy.

Oh and it turns out that bringing a lazer pointer to class was NOT a hip thing to do.

Nothin but love.

Nicole and I hit it up. We arrive and start busting some moves having a splendid time. However, it was slightly awkward due to the fact that there is a massive projected screen that is slide-showing pictures that have been previously shot at past events. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except that I made the damn screen like twenty times. There was three different pictures that were rotating through. Except the rotation was terribly random. I felt like a typical live poker player saying that online poker is rigged. Except I'm the one saying that this damn random generated slide show is rigged to boost my ego.The night gets interesting when a rather attractive young lady points at me and says, “I know you.” This is where my self-admiration becomes a god damn rocket launcher.

I point back Travolta style, mid dance with a solid Thumper tap and head bop going on and respond with “Bullshit”

Lady, actually let's call her freckles because I forget her name replies, “Yeah, I do! I remember you. You have shopped at blank blank clothing store."

* * * *

I “accidentally” (sick play dawg!) bump into her on the dance floor, she turns and does a little foxtrot my way. End up getting into a conversation, exchange names, typical time wasting stuff. Then I turned  her around to put my back to the projection screen and commented, “I can't stand facing that screen...I keep seeing myself up there.”

I'm not exactly sure what she responded with but this is what I heard, “that's....something fine blah, because you are fucking gorgeous.”

Obviously, I assumed I miss heard this. I mean..... I get that all the time. No big deal. I says, “pardon?"

She comes closer, and this is the exact moment I realized she has freckles. Dark hair and freckles, oh baby. She replies, “I just think you're are really, really good looking.”

I'm slightly dumbfounded and responded with something lame. Kinda forget, I was in a daze of bliss. If I was texting I probably would have used the ridiculous teenage girl message “OMFG :0 ” and probably clap at the same time while hopping.

We chat some more blah blah blah. Part 1 of story over.

Part 2. Drunk girls love extras. Especially, when rocking out. Whether it be hats, manslets, scarfs, necklaces etc. I was wearing a hat and this slightly obnoxious friend of a friend kept trying to remove it from its home. I kept dodging those fingers coming at my face and next thing you know I get jammed in the eye. I felt it squish. I felt it scrap. I felt it pop. I felt pain. Eww.

The positive side of this catastrophe is no one tried to steal my hat anymore. The downside is now I have to deal with people apologizing. I never want to hear someone apologize more than once. Drop the sorreh and let it be. Fuck the, “ooooh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to stab you in the eye because I really wanted to wear your hat. I don't know how it happened, ya know, while I was swinging my hands and fingers at your face. I'm so sorry." God. Stop. Talking.

Even though my eye was throbbing, the pain was non existent due to being fucking gorgeous. I felt like Jesus, ya know, how he was carrying that cross while being hwhipped. Whip. Hwhip. Whip. I'm saying hwhip. He couldn't feel shit, his ego was so massive at that moment. People cheering him on, feeding him, giving him wine. Respect the ego, yo.

I decided to bounce on that poke...note and on the walk to my car I spotted a girl who I've been lightly crushing on that works at blah blah. She has always been overly flirty, potentially to sell me more shit or because she thinks I'm fucking gorgeous. Naturally I assume the latter.

She was with a friend who also works at blah blah. They recognized me and we start getting into some good conversation that mostly consists of being poked in the eye by drunk bitches. I assumed this girl was on the younger side, turns out she is in the second bar of the “Age of Interest” graph a few posts lower. Also, I've never seen her not behind a counter and had an epiphany.

She is a perfect spinner, completely balanced. One of those spinners where you can give a slight flick and will spin upright for an hour. Those girls live in a frictionless centripetal world, where gravity doesn't apply.  <--- I just blew your mind with some science. Admit it.

So obviously after this epiphany and my psyche at an all time high I went for the number while exiting the conversation.She responded, “ummm, you know where to find me”

Which translates:  you know where to find me to buy more shit that is unnecessary.

And that my friends is The Karma Bitch Slap.

Credit to Zoe for coining the phrase “The Karma Bitch Slap”

PS: Kudos to Nicole for waking up in the box of Miriam's truck at 6:00am.

Anyways, so yeah, ajw.ca went down due to a corrupt database. Which was quite deflating because there was a chance everything was lost for good. I contacted my hosting service and they were able to restore it, for a small fee. Which is absolutely ridiculous since it is their fault nearly always. With the help of them and my programmer Furrykef my site is back up. I don't know if people could carry on using the internet without my presence lurking in google.

The only thing that is lost are the recent comments. Which sucks. So if you would like to see your comments back you'll have to do them all over again. My apologies.

I should have a couple new blog posts in the next few weeks. Also, should get some good material down in Chicago and ripping up Lollapoloza with Drew ThugMoney Kuefler.

Nottin but Love.

Then I give myself a little slap on the face and realize that I'd way rather smoke a bowl,  chew a gram of shrooms or add MDMA to my purple drank and Dance, obviously. Although, a question that is often asked that is gaining more validity is, “Batshyt, when are you finally going to settle with a girl?”

This question is usually responded with a heavy dose of sarcasm, rightfully so. Something on the lines of: I'm Vegan, I don't need others to be happy. Please, I'm 26, I'm content and lazy. I'm a bit of a house wife anyways, I'd rather not have a women in the kitchen because I enjoy cooking and you know what? I don't even mind cleaning even though bitches love that shit. So what is a lady good for? Added stress? Shit, I gotta enough of that when Bodog flicks the doomsday switch after I make a cash out. No thanks.

However, as I mentioned before the topic is gaining validity as I'm nearing my 30's. Even though it's measly societies expectations that one needs to be monogamous.  Without trepidation I decided to post a genuine ad seeking out the perfect woman for me. Kijiji will play cupid with my heart.

26 year old Man Seeking Specified Woman

I'm taking the next step in my life and seeking a girlfriend that meets my criteria. I believe the lady in question should come free of charge, because I'm awesome, but I'm open for negotiation. This is the 2000's and not the 1990's. It isn't Burger King for men anymore, you just can't have it your way. Today's women are like Blacks of the south in the 60s. They have rights and choices now. So you can feel satisfied that you're choosing to be with a man that respects the equality of men and women. I'm pretty much Martin King Luther of chicks, but a dude, a white dude.

Below are charts to demonstrate what I'm seeking. I read a study that women have difficulty reading and that they are more of visual learners. So to lower variance and statistical errors I decided to make charts for you women. Oh I'm rambling now girls, sorry, just consider it science or magic.

This weekend I attended a slow pitch tournament in Madden, a place that will never make anyone's Bucket List. It's labeled as a Hamlet, which is a typical a rural settlement that is too small to be considered a village. It's located 46 kilometres north of Calgary and 16 kilometres west of Crossfield. In other words, in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.

My good buddy who lives in Crossfield organized the tournament for the second year and the same group of friends met in Madden to defend our title. Well, we lost. This year just wasn't as exciting. Last year there was random dogs running around fighting each other. Parents swearing, getting overly hammered and being what I consider inappropriate in front of their kids. However, the privilege to urinate wherever your bladder desired was full in effect.

Not that this will surprise anyone, but I have fully realized that I'm a city boy, a bombastic one. We went to the Crossfield grocery store looking for some grub to bbq up. Not only was there not any veggie burgers, there wasn't even an organic section. What gives cowboys? I settled with watermelon and blueberries.

I just couldn't fathom living in a small community anymore. The never ending gossip, having to make friends with neighbors, seeing flames painted on big trucks, truck nuts,  no music scene, no indie movies, no chai lattes, no festivals, no goodwill, no pompous loose tea houses. I mean, I'd end up being more of a hermit than I already am with nothing going on. However, I'm sure I wouldn't have trouble scheduling a good old fashioned hearts game.

The oranges in the pillow case is when Hymes and I were getting out of the car and a silly jacked up truck drives by and a tit puts his head out of the window and yells “fag!” We tried to figure out who he was calling a fag. Hymes was wearing a wife beater and shorts. We decided that they are most likely indifferent to the beating of women. Meanwhile, I'm by no means dressed flamboyant. Odd, I know. In fact I was dressed quite poorly, probably quite similar to them. So we came to the conclusion that he didn't understand the difference of singular and plural.

It was certainly a good weekend and everyone at the ball tournament was optimistic and looking to have a good time. Shout out to the Extra Foods crew. Props to Mikey V and Claire for awesome hospitality and keeping me from sleeping in a car, because dis city boi far too lazy to set up a tent, dawg.

Batshyt is not Batman, he is more so, Waldo. Often blended in amongst the hipster arms race, that is Whyte Avenue.(source: Drew Kuefler) From ascots to scarves, scarves to fedora's, fedora's to Toms, Toms to skinny jeans, skinny jeans to fake glasses. LOOK OUT. He must be contained!

Below is the message I received out of the blue by some super hero boyfriend that I obviously had no idea existed.  I feel I need the public to be aware that I have a dannnnnnnnnngerous habit. Whata joke.

Below is what I imagine these weirdos were doing before they decided to google themselves.

Ian Broen - Secretly playing Travian while looking through the eyes of "the devil" reminiscing the death of Johnny Cash.

Miriam Kluczny - Studying Flemish as she trying to fall asleep in the backseat of her pick up.

Drew Kuefler - breaking into other peoples houses, mine, auggies, and thinking that every woman is beautiful.

Payton Stockman - working on his raps.

Zoe Wagner - obviously showing off her green vest and reciting horton hears a who.

Joseph Falchetti - enjoying every minute of Entourage.

Nicole Bansley - degrading women.

Stephanie Wright - watching Japanese youtube videos

Mike Vikse - playing tetris

Aaron Hymes - watching a romcom.

Jackson Anderson - singing Run to the Hills

Julian Charles - talking to bob.

Lindsay Koehli - hand feeding a one eyed dog.

This site served its purpose at one point, now it just sits here collecting internet dust. The only reason any legit person ends up here is they are creeping my name in google. Good thing for my awesome google analytics account, because I just caught you looking at my shit.

At some point I'm going to change this up and remove any reference of poker and marketing. Maybe it will become just a personal blog that'll be neglected. Anyways, peek-a-boo.